


Accidental Love

by castiel_to_my_sherlock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Complete, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Fluff, Domestic, Eventual Happy Ending, Homophobic John, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Suicide Attempt, hopefully i wont, married, unless i start to get morbid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-10 00:50:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castiel_to_my_sherlock/pseuds/castiel_to_my_sherlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day started like any other. Another hunt, another monster. It ended with a marriage and a shared bed. Dean's 'accident' left him hopelessly in love with Cas. So no change there except he is a little more open than one would expect. Fluff, kisses and discovered romance. A story of accidental love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Our Marriage Is A Sham

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own these characters I only own the writing. I have done my research and there is no such thing as somniatis memorium, it is a fictitious condition. Enjoy and please leave a comment.

Blood, Dean could only see blood. No, wait. He could see Sam. Not one, but three. There were three brothers plunging three angel blades into three identical demons. Huh. Now those brothers were coming closer until they merged into one. A jumble of words were streaming out of Sam’s mouth but Dean could not make sense of them. He tried to ask Sam what was wrong with him, what happened, but all he could do was make slurring sounds as he tried to piece a sentence together. Now his eyelids were heavy, made of lead. Dean couldn’t stay awake, he was being dragged into unconsciousness kicking and screaming. His eyelids shut and he forgot.

-

“Dean? Dean, wake up. Please, Dean,” the voice begged.

Those lead eyelids flew open and began to sting from the sudden light. There was a lot of white and bitter smell of disinfectant in the air. A hospital. Dean hated hospitals. His eyes moved and took in the scene. Cas was sat next to him, holding his hand tightly. Sam was nowhere to be seen.

“Cas, what happened?” Dean croaked.

“A demon threw you against the wall, repeatedly,” Cas said, relief evident on his face. Dean opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by a lady in a white coat coming into the room.

“Hello Dean, how are you feeling? I’m Dr.Harris but you can call me Jane,” the blonde smiled.

“I gotta killer headache and right now, you’re a little blurry ‘round the edges. Apart from that, I'm fighting fit doc,” Dean smiled with a slight hint of sarcasm. 

“I see. We need to run further checks but it seems you have sustained a concussion, nothing too serious from what I can see so far. Very lucky considering the circumstances,” Jane said sweetly.

The hunter nodded apparently a little too vigorously because chunks of vomit flew over the side of his bed without warning a second after. Cas leant back a little but it was the doctor who got the brunt of it.

“I may need to revise my words, please excuse me,” the doctor lost her smile for a second before turning and leaving the room, Dean assumed to get a change of clothes and a shower.

Castiel picked up some paper towels from the table next to the bed, handing them to Dean. He wiped his mouth and threw them in the bin. 

“Where’s Sam?” Dean asked, gagging on the bitter taste in his mouth.

“He’s with another doctor; they’re discussing the sincerity of your concussion now. You passed out and had a seizure according to Sam. The doctor’s think you were in a car crash.”

“A car crash?”

“Your injuries don’t look like they came from an average work accident, Dean.”

A silence fell over the room then as Dean considered this. Now that he mentioned it, Dean could feel the bruises littering his chest and the cuts stinging his face. That demon had messed him up pretty good. Castiel’s hand had dropped Dean’s almost instantly once he gained consciousness but now Dean reached for it again, intertwining their fingers. Cas looked at their hands in confusion but let it go, Dean had just been in a ‘car crash’ after all.

“I’ll need you to vacate the room please,” a new, male doctor said upon entering the room, looking at Castiel. Cas stood up, dropping Dean’s hand. With a quick nod and eight steps, he left the room. 

“What’s up doc?” Dean asked, straining to sit up.

“Don’t strain yourself, Dean. Who is Sam to you?” the doctor asked, clipboard in one hand and pen poised in the other.

“My brother?” Dean asked cautiously as if it were a trick question.

The doctor nodded and continued, “And the gentleman who just left?”

“My husband,” Dean said more confidently this time, “what is this about?” 

The doctor flicked through his clipboard, frown on his face. “Excuse me,” the doctor said distractedly, leaving the room causing a grunt of frustration from Dean.

Castiel stood with Sam outside Dean’s room. His foot tapped impatiently as he waited for the doctor to give a diagnosis.

“He appears to have temporary somniatis memorium. He’s confusing reality with dreams. It’s very rare and quite the opposite of what you’d expect a normal concussion to cause. Instead of a loss of memory it will be a gain. I’m unsure as to how long this will last. The vomiting, nausea, dizziness and possible convulsions will end within the week but the dreams will seem real to him for months perhaps,” the brunet said. 

“What makes you think he’s got somniatis memorium?” Cas asked, squinting.

“Have you had any past relationship with Dean?”

“No.”

“He thinks you are his husband.”

“What?” that came from Sam, choking on the coffee he had acquired from the hospital café.

“He dreamt about me being his…husband?” Cas asked incredulously.

“Or at least strong feelings that turned to a marriage on the transition to reality, yes. I suggest you play along until he realises it for himself. It could make Dean doubt himself. We’ve even had suicides from the few with this affliction when their reality was questioned. To him, it is as real as you and me. He may feel foolish when he does find out but he will live,” came the apologetic reply. 

Cas nodded. The doctor said he needed to keep Dean for overnight observation to monitor his progress. Sam agreed and said goodbye as he turned to leave. The doctor, sated, went down the hallway and entered another patient’s room. It was their time to move. 

“Dean, get up. Take that out, we’re going,” Sam said, gesturing to the wires that connected to his body.  
They made a dash for the door and Sam unlocked the driver door of the Impala. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Dean exclaimed.

“Driving. You’re ill Dean. Practically on death’s door,” Sam grinned and got in.

“Shotgun!” Dean called, going to the passenger door. “Sorry, Cas. We may be married but don’t expect special treatment or nothing,” he continued, kissing Castiel's cheek softly before slipping into the seat next to Sam.

He heard it from the doctor but hearing the words out of Dean’s mouth made it real. The affection he had shown made it solid. Cas got into the backseat and smiled back at Dean’s grin reflecting in the mirror. Dean and Cas were married. Dean loved Cas. That was all Castiel needed to know to keep the smile on his face genuine. Someone loved him. That someone was Dean Winchester.


	2. Goodnight, My Angel

“I’m going on a supply run, need anything?” Sam asked as Dean and Cas got out of the car.

“Got everything I need right here isn’t that right, Cas?” Dean winked at the blushing man.

“And that’s my queue, have fun,” Sam shouted over the engine as he pulled out. 

“Oh we will,” Dean smirked and tugged Cas by the arm into the warmth that the Bunker provided.

As soon as they were inside and had closed the door, Dean’s fun began. He pulled Castiel so tightly to him that he could feel every curve and dip in his body. Their lips connected and Cas started to doubt himself. He was Dean’s friend and Dean didn’t want this. Not really. It was just an illusion of the mind caused by one particularly troublesome demon. Dean may have had certain thoughts about him but they were just fantasies meant to be kept in the dark. Nothing to be acted upon. After all, who could want Cas? He had betrayed the brothers more than once and made countless decisions against Dean's advice without a second thought. He didn’t deserve the affection this man was willingly giving. His mind was clouded and he was misled. With this in mind, Castiel broke off the kiss that left tingles running up his spine. 

“Dean, you don’t want to do this,” Cas tried to reason.

“’Course I do, Cas,” Dean said, lust in his emerald eyes. 

He reconnected their lips and began to tug the trench coat from the ex-angel’s body.

“Dean!” Cas protested, “That’s not appropriate.”

“Then let’s do inappropriate things,” Dean flirted, raising an eyebrow. 

“I-I don’t want to, Dean,” Cas practically whispered, averting his eyes.

“Is something wrong, Cas,” Dean asked lovingly, searching those stormy blue eyes for answers.

“What I did, to you and Sam, is unforgivable. I don’t deserve your love, Dean,” Cas admitted.

“Don’t say that. If anything, I don’t deserve you. I mess up everything and everyone I touch. I went to hell because of my screw up and you and your angels suffered for my stupid mistake. Sometimes I think I should’ve stayed there. If that wasn’t enough, I broke the first seal. But it’s in the past. Just like that is in the past. You thought you were helping and I’ll be damned if I can’t say I don’t relate. I knew what I was signing up for when I said my vows and I still, even now, mean every word,” Dean didn’t break eye contact once, tears welling up but he'd never let them spill.

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel knew there were no such vows but just thinking that Dean wouldn’t regret them made Cas feel as joyful as he once was as an angel when he could fly anywhere and everywhere, the wind ruffling his feathers like a soft caress. 

Instead of offering more sympathies, Dean put his hand against Castiel's face, a reassuring touch. Cas would be lying if he said he didn’t lean into his hand a little. All of these sudden affections were still new and odd to Cas who had experienced all of the emotional connections that Dean had but not the physical ones which Dean was convinced of. He would also be lying if he said it wasn’t nice, because it was, but it was like being in the middle of a storm on a cliff, lighting flashing overhead with thunder drowning out everything but the sound of the crashing waves below. Sprays of salty seawater splashing against his cheeks making him feel alive, wind rustling his already tousled hair. It was excitement, exhilaration and it was astonishing that he could feel at ease in the middle of the whirlwind but he knew he could tumble over that cliff at any moment and have his body crushed by the jagged rocks that waited like hungry wolves. It was danger and safety all at the same time.  
A pair of soft pink lips interrupted his internal battle, bringing him back to the now. They weren’t as insistent, as demanding as before. Now they were sweet and forgiving. Accepting and welcoming. As they parted for air, Cas scanned Dean’s face. Constellations of freckles spread across his cheeks which were finely covered in stubble. His eyes were all shades of green that Castiel couldn’t put a name to even if he tried. They were a green that only belonged to Dean. For the first time, Cas initiated the kiss. If the last kiss was sweet, this one was damn sugar-coated. 

“Er, guys?” Sam coughed awkwardly from the door. 

“Never seen a grown man kiss his husband before, Sammy?” Dean joked, smiling at Cas as if they had some inside joke. 

The hand that had somehow found itself wedged in Castiel's soft hair slipped away. Cas already missed the warm presence it had brought. 

“Well if you guys would excuse me, I have a sandwich to make and a bed to get to,” Sam said, skirting around the two that were still uncomfortably close.

Now that Sam had mentioned it, it was getting dark. Dean’s watch read 11:46 and unlike Sam, he could go without a sandwich if it meant more time with Cas. 

“C’mon, let’s go handsome,” Dean clicked his tongue and took Castiel by the hand, leading him to Dean's room.

Cas had quite forgotten what married life meant. They would have to share a bed. As soon as the door was shut Dean started stripping down and Castiel’s cheeks were painted a deep shade of red by the time Dean began unbuttoning his shirt. He even turned his back out of embarrassment which he realised wasn’t a very husbandly thing to do. Dean's arms wrapped around Castiel's chest from behind making Cas gasp in surprise. Dean was wearing nothing but boxers, Cas knew that for sure. He could feel the outline of Dean’s muscles pressed up against him. Dean’s chin rested on Castiel's shoulder, sleepy. 

“Coming to bed?” Dean whispered, his breath tickling Cas’ ear. 

“Yes, I will be right there,” Cas said. 

Dean accepted this and got into the left side. Cas stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers not quite ready to take it all off yet. He slipped into the other side of the warm bed and was immediately pulled closer to Dean who threw a lazy arm around Castiel’s chest and snuggled his head into his collarbone. Cas simply smiled, the corner of his mouth upturned a little. So this was what it was like to be loved. This was what it was like to want to give your heart to someone but not have the confidence to do so. He felt as if his heart wasn’t enough, that it was a $1 plastic ring in a shop of diamond jewellery if which Dean could pick any of. This was what it was like to want to give everything but feel as if it isn’t enough. Despite this, Cas fell asleep with that half grin plastered on his face. Nothing could ruin that moment. Not while Dean was blowing warm air into Castiel's shoulder and snoring as loud as the Impala’s engine. Nothing could take that away from Cas. Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, I know. Hopefully will be uploading next chapter very soon. Please tell me what you think! Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Broken Hands and Broken People

Eyelids fluttered open and all Cas could see was Dean’s face hanging over his. This caused a brief moment of panic before he recalled the events that had occurred the previous day.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Dean joked, inches away from the sleepy man’s lips.

His eyes were more golden today, the soft, dappled sunlight streaming in around the tree that blocked the window turning them a warm honey colour. The flecks of green were still there of course, just less prominent drowned by the whisky colour they were now. Dean's breath fanned out over Castiel's face, warming his cheeks. They had been close before, but never this close. Their eyes had connected more than once but not as intense as this before. Cas slipped his hand into Dean’s locks, feeling the strands of sandy hair file through his delicate fingers. Dean leant down a little further, bare chest now flush against Castiel's. Just before their lips touched, Dean pulled away, a smirk on his face.

“If I do that, neither of us will get up and Sammy will be all on his own cradling that damn laptop,” he said, getting off of Cas and hopping down from the bed. 

With a wistful sigh, Cas followed and they both got changed much the same as they did the night before. Cas, refusing to give in to the urge to watch, letting his nagging doubts about Dean’s lucidity on the matter hold him back and Dean, playful and cheeky as ever. They exited the room together, dropping each other’s hands when they saw Sam at the table. Dean was never one for public affection. Flirting, sure. Affection, not so much. 

Sam looked up as they entered the room, noticing the way they kept their shoulders pressed together as if one of them would float away if they didn’t. 

“Cas, can I have a word?” Sam asked, steering him back the way he came leaving Dean confused and slightly offended that he wasn’t in on the conversation.

When out of earshot, Cas replied. “Of course, Sam. How many would you like?”

“You don’t have to do this. Pretend to be Dean’s husband I mean. It doesn’t matter what the doctor said, Dean could deal with the truth.”

“Sam.”

“It’s okay if it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to do it.”

“I want to.”

“What?”

“I may have discovered that my feelings for Dean aren’t completely platonic and he seems…happy.”

“But he’s not him right now. You can’t base what you feel about Dean around the experience you’ve had when he thinks you're together,” Sam said, growing uncomfortable himself.

“Sam, I need him. He makes _me_ happy. I know it is rather selfish of me but he makes me forget. He doesn’t need explanations or answers, just love. That, I can willingly give,” Cas replied evenly.

“Are you even sure you like him? You’ve just become human, you may just be getting to terms with all these new feelings and confusing them.”

“Why are you so adamant to prove that Dean isn’t right for me or that I don’t love him?” Cas asked angrily, squinting his eyes. Was he not good enough for Sam’s approval?

“Because I don’t want to see him drink himself into oblivion when you decide he’s nothing special. I don’t want to talk him down from the edge when he’s on breaking point because another pretty girl walked by and you like her better.” 

This silenced Cas but didn’t quieten the anger that still radiated off of him in waves. How dare Sam accuse him of not loving Dean absolutely and completely? He may not have realised it at first, but he had always loved Dean, right from the moment he rescued that beautiful, shining soul from hell. He’d rebelled against heaven and all he'd ever known for Dean and if that wasn’t love, Cas was as inexperienced in the affairs of human emotion as Sam thought. 

“Wait, Cas. Look, I'm sorry. I’ve just seen it happen too many times,” Sam called after Castiel turned his back and marched to where Dean was sitting in his chair. 

“Hey, Cas. What’s up?” Dean inquired, curiosity turning to concern as he saw the stormy look Cas wore on his face.

_“That soul, so bright. There was darkness, like with any, but this one was pure in a way that I’ve never seen before. A truly selfless man with a radiant soul. There’s something about him, Uriel. He makes me want to listen. He's not like other humans, whiny and petty, there’s something more,” Castiel confessed._

_It was two days after the rescue of Dean Winchester and Cas was doubtful. He turned to the only angel he felt he could talk to. Uriel listened and gave good advice and was completely truthful which was what Cas needed._

_“More? What more is there to humans? They’re just animated lumps of flesh. They’re so stupid it took them thousands of years to invent the wheel!” Uriel chuckled._

_“Humans have a perspective that no angel could ever have. They’re unique. And Dean, he’s pure. He's complicated like a puzzle but you want to work him out. But you never can. He’s surprising, not as predictable as the superiors told me,” Castiel struggled to explain his view to the angel who was almost in full hysterics._

_Suddenly, Uriel grew serious, dark eyes boring into Cas._

_“You’re not in_ love _, are you, Castiel?” Uriel’s voice boomed._

_“I have little to say on the matter of love. Angels aren’t capable of such feelings,” Castiel replied stoically._

_“Yet here you are, discussing your feelings over this man as teenage females do,” Uriel stood, intimidating Cas who was trying to shrink back into the bench and retract his words._

_“Love,” Uriel shouted now. “is not part of our coding.”_

_“You’re going corrupt,” Uriel whispered._

_Before Cas could reply, a fist came flying into his face making his vessel wince in pain. A second hit, the same cheek. A cut opened now letting blood flow freely down his face. Uriel took this moment to hold Cas by the hair and slam his head into the bench. Cuts now opened on his forehead. Castiel tried to throw a punch back but Uriel merely grabbed his fist, twisted and broke his wrist. Writhing in agony he tried to kick out but the other angel was having none of it and pinned him to the floor with his foot. He kicked until Cas wished he blacked out. Sharp stabbing pain shot through his vessel with every kick._

 

_“You know nothing of love, boy. Nor will you ever. Nobody could love you, Castiel, the broken angel,” Uriel left off with a deep, throaty laugh and disappeared leaving a broken Castiel alone, coughing up scarlet blood._

“I DO, I KNOW OF LOVE. I CAN LOVE. IT’S REAL,” Cas roared, throwing a chair into the wall. 

If he had been an angel, that chair would lie in splinters on the floor but alas, he was human and all he could do was break the leg. This wasn’t nearly enough. _Crash_. A cabinet found a new home on the floor. _Swoosh_. Some papers went to join it. _Thunk_. It was a house party. At last, the anger was coming out. That memory, buried for years, had finally come out. The other angels had sneered and spat out the word ‘love’ like it was a bitter taste in their mouths. He was lucky to stay with the Winchesters but his superiors wanted to see how it would pan out. His love was a heavenly experiment. The inanimate objects weren’t enough. Faintly he could hear Dean yelling his name, trying to grab onto him but he moved to destroy more before Dean could soothe him. His own hand, delicate and human, crashed into the wall. There was a faint cracking sound and intense pain. Cas crumpled to the ground and clutched his wrist, screaming, and the pain in his wrist wasn’t the reason. If Sam doubted him, maybe Uriel was right. He was just broken with a twisted version of love not fit for anyone, especially not Dean Winchester. He sat in his heap. Dean knelt next to him; arm around his shoulders giving him a feeling of safety like the memory couldn’t plague him as long as Dean was there to give him warmth.

“What do you say we go check this out, huh?” Dean whispered after a few minutes gesturing to Castiel's shaking hand.

A nod gave his answer. He shouldn’t feel guilty for trying to achieve happiness with Dean, should he? He knew what he shouldn’t do, he shouldn’t worry Dean. That was what made him get up and walk to the kitchen with Dean whispering sweet nothings in this ear the whole way. Cas may be broken, but Dean was too and they could fix each other, one scar at a time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how long this is going to go on for and I'm fearing I'm getting repetitive. What do you think? Please leave a comment and perhaps suggest how to stop going for the same old? Thank you for reading!


	4. Temptation

The bandage wound its way around Castiel’s delicate hand. Ordinarily, Dean would have told him to suck it up and thrown some pills his way but now it was different. He wasn’t afraid to show he cared. Purplish bruises were already spreading and Cas looked at them curiously. He shook slightly suspecting a broken hand or at least some kind of fracture.

“There,” Dean murmured, admiring his handiwork and bringing Castiel’s slender fingers to his lips for a soft kiss.

“Do you remember the wedding? With Sammy as the best man in that suit we had to get from the shop for giants and other inhumanly tall creatures. It was real quiet, in…” Dean frowned suddenly. “We were in…” he couldn’t remember, the details were slipping away.

He looked distressed, his brow creasing as he scrunched his face up. “I can’t remember, Cas. Why can’t I remember?” Dean stressed.

“It was in Iowa,” Cas lied. He meant well, he just didn’t want to see the look of utter despair on Dean’s face for a second longer. 

“Iowa,” Dean mouthed, brightening again.

Castiel recoiled inside at the fib, he didn’t want to trick Dean and wasn’t it a good thing he was remembering? It meant soon everything would go back to normal. It might be awkward but it’d be normal. Sam interrupted then, sticking his head through the doorway.

“Mind if I talk to Cas for a moment. Alone,” Sam didn’t really leave room for argument so Dean left the room throwing a reassuring smile over his shoulder at a nervous, Cas.

“What was all that about?” Sam asked and gestured wildly to the left where the room Castiel had managed to trash was. 

“I was a broken angel, Sam. It only makes sense I’m a ruined human,” Cas admitted, recalling Uriel’s words.

“I know what I said before was harsh but you’re getting too close. Chances are, when Dean remembers, he’s going to leave you. Do you know how _weird_ it is to see you two…you know, _together_? Dean doesn’t do public affection.”

“I am aware, but please. Let me have this time at least. Let him discover it on his own.”

“Fine, but when this all goes to hell I am taking no responsibility,” Sam mumbled, meaning well but dampening Castiel’s mood considerably. 

With the talk seemingly over, Sam turned and left the room. Cas inspected his hand and then went to find Dean. The man in question was in their room, reading of all things. When Cas entered, he snapped the book shut and placed it on the bedside table. The light illuminated his cheeks, turning a light shade of red.

“We’re you reading?” Cas asked conversationally, going to take a look at the novel’s title.

“Uh, yeah. Sam’s not the only one who likes to read you know,” Dean said, chest puffing a little. 

“Your choice in literature is impressive,” Cas commented, running his fingers over the cover.

Dean’s rosy cheeks darkened as he dragged a hand down one side of his face in embarrassment, trying to hide the blush. 

A cough. “Yeah, well, we should probably grab lunch.”

“Of course, Dean.”

 

The rest of the day went by quickly. Sam had become friendly toward Cas once again and they shared laughter over a beer with Dean gulping a burger down next to them. The night crept up on them and soon it was time to go to bed. With a warning look from Sam, Dean and Cas went to their room.

Dean wore the same thing he did the previous day, boxers. Castiel kept his shirt again but before Cas could slide into bed and let the mists of sleep claim him, he was pinned against the wall. Dean smiled wolfishly, holding Castiel’s wrists loosely making sure not to touch his injured hand. Soon that smile was pushed against his lips as Dean pressed against him. Dean’s grip loosened further as the kiss deepened. They parted for air but were soon joined in a kiss again, sweet and desperate. Dean dropped Castiel's wrists entirely as they landed on his waist. He rubbed small circles with his thumbs as Cas opened his mouth a little, enough to tell Dean everything he needed. Cas’ fingers wound their way into Dean’s mussed hair and pulled gently as Dean’s fingers dipped under Castiel's shirt. The injured hand be damned, he could barely feel it over the rush he got from just touching Dean. That was when things escalated. Tongues dancing, Dean pulled away from Cas slightly making him whimper in loss. The hands went lower than his waist, to his hips, calloused fingers skimming the sliver of skin in between his boxers and t-shirt.

“Dean,” Cas breathed, voice lower than usual and eyes dark with desire.

“Cas?” Dean asked, worried eyes staring deep into Cas’ fretting that he’d hurt his hand or Cas wanted to stop and leave it at that.

“Don’t stop,” Cas leant forward, lips brushing Dean’s ear as he did so.

Dean growled then, literally growled, and attacked Castiel's lips. His hands slid over the soft skin of Cas’ chest and Castiel's fingers tightened in his hair, one moving to pull at the short strands near the bottom. Dean spread his fingers on Castiel's hips, pulling him away from the wall. His fingers hooked in Cas’ belt loops and pulled the ex-angel flush against him swinging around so his back was to the side of the bed. The bed dug into the backs Castiel's knees and it was tempting to just go down and let Dean fall on top of him, oh so tempting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I have been negligent. I hope you're enjoying, sorry to cut it off so abruptly but I will continue soon. Thanks to MissTako for giving me the idea about forgetting where the wedding was. Any suggestions? They are more than welcome.


	5. Eternity

The morning after was glorious. To Dean it wasn’t as big a deal; he thought that it'd happened before. Regardless, they went slow and easy. Castiel fell further and further for Dean as the pants fell over his face, hair brushing his forehead as they joined lips. They couldn’t get enough of each other. Cas desperately hoped that Dean would remember and he wouldn’t care. Maybe even want to carry on their ‘thing’. After all, it wasn’t some one night stand in a motel somewhere. It was more than that, it had to be.

The sweet smell of breakfast wafted to Cas through the door more than making up for the cold side of the bed next to him. Dean was dressed and clutching tightly to a frying pan, checking a recipe every few seconds making sure he followed it exactly. Castiel realised he hadn’t got changed in favour of slinging his shirt from yesterday and boxers from the drawer on in his haste. Sam was nowhere to be seen so Cas allowed himself this luxury.

“What are you cooking?” Cas asked.

“Omelette du fromage with fresh tomatoes straight from the bottle,” Dean wiggled his eyebrows and raised the ketchup before eyeing the omelette suspiciously.

Castiel collected plates and set them out, Dean's opposite his. A spare lay on the side just in case Sam decided to make an appearance and Dean looked at it, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

“Are you kidding me? Sam won’t be up until noon, at least. If he doesn’t get up at 6am to do some freaky sasquatch exercise, he doesn’t get up until lunch. Prime time for browsing the web it seems. That thing is glued to his fingers,” Dean snorted, moving towards the set out plates to serve their meal. Cas silently slid the plate back into the cupboard with the rest, slightly annoyed that he hadn’t learnt their routines yet.

 

They ate breakfast in silence except for the occasional comments and small talk until Dean opened his big mouth and started something that could never be undone. “What music you into, Cas? You’ve been human for ages, makes sense that you'd be listening to some tunes by now. I warn you though, if you like that dub-whatever-blenders-having-sex stuff I will poison your next omelette,” Dean joked.

“I am uncertain as to what that means. I don’t think machines can have sexual intercourse.”

“Answer the question.”

“I have not picked up any musical taste. I haven’t had the time.”

Dean gasped like it was blasphemy and dropped his fork, lifting Cas from his chair by the arm and taking him into their room. A pink mp3 was on the dresser, Castiel was surprised by its appearance. Dean just didn’t seem like a pink kind of guy. Dean seemed to pick up on this by the curious gaze and simply mumbled “guys can like pink too” and Cas couldn’t dispute that. An earbud was placed into his left ear crookedly and Cas reached up to adjust. Dean put the other in his ear and that was how they suddenly ended up on the bed swaying side to side, shoulder to shoulder singing along to AC/DC. Back in Black was Castiel's favourite which made Dean happier than he could say. The 100 watt smile said it for him and Cas was confused as to why his liking of a song could make Dean so pleased. This was forgotten as the next song came on and it was Dean's own voice. The earbuds were ripped out as Dean hammered at the pause button furiously, backing away from the bed.

“That was nothing. I just, was bored. Forget it,” Dean covered.

“Dean-“

“ _Forget it_.”

“I’d like to hear it.”

“No.”

“ _Dean._ ”

“Fine,” Dean said, tossing the device at him. It amazed Castiel at how exasperated Dean could sound in one word.

Dean may have let him have the device but he refused to look at him while he listened. It wasn’t a rock song, not even close. A guitar introduced, it was remarkable. The notes fit together wonderfully, creating a calming atmosphere within the first few seconds.

_Someone’s always coming around here trailing some new kill_

It began and the soft tones of Dean’s voice wrapped around him, warmed him from the inside. It was beautiful. He believed with all of his heart that it was beautiful and there should be no way Dean Winchester could cower from his gaze in the corner. He stood up, earbuds still in, and kissed Dean's jaw earning a noise of surprise. He cleared his throat and scratchily began.

“What’s a game of chance to you…?” Castiel's gravelly voice sung. A hand reached up and pulled the left earbud out, placing it in Dean's right ear as he turned around.

“So glad to meet you Angeles,” Dean joined in, eyes shining.

They stayed like that for a while. Dean was singing and Castiel was joining in when he could, Dean doing considerably better. It was perfect for a little while. It was a little bubble of acceptance and joy in that room. Overwhelming joy. The song went on for an eternity but neither of them complained. Neither of them wanted to. Their little eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long. I now have senior choir, Guides, Karate and Badminton with homework in between and I've been buried. I really shouldn't make excuses. Thank you for the comments! Each one is replied to and appreciated greatly. The songs I referred to were:  
> Back in Black - AC/DC: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAgnJDJN4VA  
> Angeles - Jensen Ackles and Steve Carlson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyjfDUwH3vc


	6. For Dean

Days had passed, Sam still giving Castiel knowing looks but Dean none the wiser. That was until Dean spoke up one evening at dinner.

“Are you gonna keep me waiting all night?” Dean asked over a bowl of spaghetti.

“Waiting for what, Dean?” Cas asked, tilting his head.

“So it’s a surprise then.”

“Dean, I don’t understand.”

“It’s our anniversary today, Cas. Remember,” Dean nudged under the table, Sam staying silent.

“Our what?”

“We’ve been married for 3 years now, Cas. You always do some romantic crap that I pretend to hate. Last year you got that bracelet. The leather one with the wings? Look, here it is,” Dean insisted lifting his wrist. An assortment of bracelets clung to his tanned wrist but none fit the description Dean had given.

“I-“

“I never take it off. Did you move it, Cas? Is this something you did? ‘Cause I remember our first anniversary you took my necklace and did that thing. Y’now with the…” the older Winchester brother trailed off, eyes glazing over a little as he tried to remember, adamant that what he was saying was the truth.

“Dean, calm down,” Cas soothed, fingertips trailing over Dean's hand which was curled up in a fist on the table. The hand was instantly snatched back like he had been scalded and Cas simply blinked in confusion.

“Don’t touch me. Who are you?” Dean's voice rose, becoming frantic.

“Who am I?” Castiel repeated dumbly.

“You're Castiel. And you remember, don’t you? My angel remembers ‘cause he's thoughtful like that. Did I tell you Sam? Cas loves me, he thinks about me a lot. Tell him, Cas.” Dean was babbling and Sam stood over him now, hand on his shoulder, unsure on what to do.

“Dean I think you need to-“ Sam begun.

“Lie down? I’m not tired!” Dean exclaimed, leaning back in his chair.

“ _ **Dean**_.” Castiel yelled.

“You're not my husband, are you? You liar. You filthy liar.” Dean stood now, staring over the table into Castiel's eyes which were now level. The wild look in Dean’s eyes scared Castiel, he was remembering.

“Dean…”

“You’re using me. John told me about people like you. ‘Don’t believe the lies they tell you, son. They’re just trying to corrupt you, taking your soul straight to Hell. Be a good soldier, Dean. You're not that stupid, are you?’” Dean recited, voice becoming deadly serious.

A crack echoed throughout the room and Dean fell to the floor. Sam stood behind the collapsed hunter, book in hand.

“He was going to hurt himself,” Sam muttered looking genuinely worried.

“Should we take him back to the hospital?”

“Great idea, Cas. ‘Sorry we left earlier but we’re convicted criminals and couldn’t stick around, now my brother is spinning into madness and I’d really like some help’” Sam raised a sceptic eyebrow.

The shrug from Castiel was all it took for Sam to pull out the full on bitchface. “Grab a limb,” Sam mumbled, lifting Dean's upper half.

 

It took a while to get Dean into their room and onto the bed but they could’ve hardly left him on the floor could they? Castiel desperately hoped that he forgot about the events of the evening and instead of getting in beside an unconscious Dean, which didn’t feel quite right to Cas, he pulled up a chair to watch him. He recalled something Dean’s mother had said to baby Dean when Castiel was watching from the heavens.

“Angels are watching over you,” Castiel whispered. He wasn’t an angel anymore but for Dean he'd be anything. If it’s an angel he needs then an angel he’ll be. For Dean, he'd fall. For Dean, he'd die. And for Dean, he'd watch. Protect. Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm embarrassed at how short this is but I felt as if I owed you something at least. Things are about to get exciting...


	7. Go to Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Gore and suicide.

Dean awoke, and he awoke angry.

“The fuck, Cas?” He hissed, pulling his hand from Castiel's and bolting into a sitting position.

Cas should’ve expected this. He should’ve known Dean wouldn’t want him once he'd come to his senses. It didn’t make it hurt any less though. The one small victory he had was that Dean wasn’t absolutely raving mad.

“You’re awake.” Cas stated tiredly. He didn’t know what else to say.

“What were you doing, Castiel?” Dean growled his voice low. Cas couldn’t remember the last time Dean had called him by his full name and now, it truly scared him.

“Dean-“

“No. You don’t get to say my name like that. All tender and full of love and care” Dean laughed darkly, “and you never mean it.”

Castiel felt as if a knife was plunged into his gut. He got up abruptly and turned to hide the tears.

“I assume you want to see your brother,” Castiel said in monotone, leaving to get Sam.

 

“He’s awake?” Sam looked up from his laptop in the main room of the Bunker. Cas bowed his head.

“Yes. Maybe you’ll have better luck talking to him than I will.” Cas replied sullenly.

“Look, Cas. He's had things put into his head. I paid no attention to the raving of a mad father but Dean, he hung onto his every word. I know what I said before but you made him happy. If he comes around, you have my blessing or whatever,” Sam blushed a little at the last part.

“Thank you, Sam” Cas said, and he meant it.

“So…uh, I guess I should go see, Dean?” Sam coughed, essentially ending the moment.

Cas made a noise of confirmation as Sam left the room.

It was only a few moments before the silence was filled.

“Dean, don’t you dare. Don’t you _dare_ ,” came the muffled shout.

_Dean_ , Castiel thought and ran, trench coat swirling behind him. The scene he saw playing out shocked him right to the core. Sam was holding out his hands in a gesture of surrender, in a gesture of _stop_. Dean had a particularly nasty looking blade pressed close to his wrist, not breaking the skin yet but damn close.

“Dean,” Cas whispered.

“ _Don’t say my name like that_!” Dean yelled, pressing the blade closer so that a bead of scarlet dropped onto the carpet.

“Dean, stop this! John was delusional. It’s okay, Dean,” Sam shouts became softer and quieter, like he was soothing a frightened animal.

Dean looked at Sam and then to Cas, his eyes wide. “ _I’m going to hell. This is the only way I can save myself. I deserve it. Repent”_ Seemed to be the mantra of choice and quite frankly it was scaring Castiel.

“Someone’s always coming around here trailing some new kill _,”_ the lyric came out of Castiel's mouth without warning.

Dean’s lips parted as Castiel continued, “Says I see your picture on a hundred dollar bill.”

The grip loosened momentarily, calming Cas a little but then the stone hold on the knife returned and Dean's face was resolute. “That’s the thing about those people, Sammy. They can get to anyone,” Dean whispered before slicing.

A thick trickle of blood stained the carpet, deep red spurting from the deep incision. The noise Castiel made was animalistic, a deafening cry of anguish. Castiel surged forward as Dean dropped to the floor and his thought process started up again. A hand was pressed desperately against the wound but the sticky red trickled through delicate fingers.

“Dean!” Cas cried as his breathing became erratic, tears flowing clearly down his face and onto the body underneath his hand.

Dean's breathing became shallow, each gulp requiring great effort.

“SAM CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE,” Castiel screamed at Sam who was already hammering his phone against the table desperately.

“THE BUNKER DOESN’T HAVE RECEPTION!” Sam screamed back, bolting out of the room and leaping stairs to presumably get a signal.

Cas stared at the body going increasingly limp in his arms, shedding more tears, unable to stop.

“I’ll be saved. I’ll be safe,” Dean croaked, coughing up some blood.

“Dean. You’ll always be safe in my arms,” Cas sobbed, his broken voice barely managing to piece together the sentence.

Sirens approached and Dean breathed his last breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might have another chapter or I might leave it here. Tell me what you guys think? I always appreciate your comments.


	8. Dean Winchester

“You can see him now,” the doctor told Sam and Cas who both jumped up eagerly at the news. Castiel’s figure slumped as he thought about the consequences of his last involvement with Dean.

“You go first, Sam. I’ll be right out here,” Castiel encouraged and sat back down, hand gripping something in his pocket tightly.

When Sam came out, Castiel was almost ready to leave without seeing Dean but thought better of it. He slid into the room alone and shut the door. Dean looked over to him and then at his hands with disgust.

“Get out,” Dean whispered.

“Dean, I don’t understand,” Cas pleaded, coming closer to the bed.

“I realise I was acting crazy before but now my mind is clear. It was wrong of me to damn your soul, I get it, but we can’t be together, _ever_ ,” Dean replied, most of it sounding rehearsed. He was clearly parroting the doctor and it made Cas uneasy.

“Why,” Cas threw out there.

“Because you don’t love me, you can’t love me,” Dean snorted.

“I do Dean Winchester. I love you. How many more times do I have to say it? I have all the time in the world,” Castiel stood firm.

“Stop-“

“I love you.”

“ _Cas_.”

“I love you.”

“Castiel stop it.”

“ _I love you,_ Dean Winchester and I don’t want to go back to what we were before,” Castiel was practically sobbing now, tears pricked his eyes and his voice broke.

“No you don’t. You want me, you’d never settle down with me would you? Buy a house and get a second car because your job was at a conflicting time to mine? I don’t believe you would do that. Men only want, I should know,” Dean sneered the last sentence and Castiel couldn’t believe the lies that Dean had convinced himself of.

“I only know of one way to make you believe me and maybe even love me again too. I’m putting everything on the line for you again, Winchester,” Cas laughed, somewhat hysterically.

His slender hand fit into his trench coat pocket and pulled the object he’d been clenching earlier into the light. It was a small black box with gold embellishment and he opened it to reveal a small white gold band with angel wings engraved into one side, feathers spanning almost the entire ring. A small engraving could be seen if at the right angle, it was a cheesy ‘I love you’ but to Cas, it meant the world. He got down onto one knee clumsily suddenly remembering the protocol. Dean's eyes just stared at the box.

“Dean Winchester, I love you. And will you marry me?” Castiel’s eyes connected with Dean's shining green orbs and he knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last, eh? Bet you didn't see that coming. I hope you guys all liked it! I'm beginning work on another fic called Blood Bound which can be found here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1329421 so please check it out? I enjoyed writing this scene so much so I hope you enjoyed reading it. Find me on tumblr here: http://winchester-novak.tumblr.com/ and leave prompts? Maybe?


End file.
